


A Less Than Holy Ordeal

by CalamityK



Series: The Damn In Damnation [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hell, Anal Sex, Blasphemy, Church Sex, Crack, Crack and Smut, Devil Victor, Fluff and Smut, Hell, Hell Fic, Im so glad that's a preexisting tag, M/M, Plot, Porn, Prophecy, Smut, Yuuri DOESNT die, alternatively titled: one wedding and a broom closet, dun dun dun, makes me feel less like a pos, more like starts to exist, narrowly escaping death, no really thats all this is, sin - Freeform, the actual plot of this series thickens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 04:36:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12697506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalamityK/pseuds/CalamityK
Summary: Victor frequently forgets about time. It’s not really an important concept when you’re nearly immortal. Today though, time is of the utmost essence.------------Or that one fic where Victor is Satan, Yuuri has a prophecy of death looming over his head, and they may or may have sex at a wedding.





	A Less Than Holy Ordeal

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BoxWineConfessions](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoxWineConfessions/gifts).



> Hmmmmmmmmmm I headcanon that Yuuri calls Minako Aunt so don't be alarmed that she's like his aunt in this fic.  
> Do be alarmed however, that she's getting married. Because I don't know hat I'm going to do with that plotline yet. Maybe nothing.  
>   
> WELCOME TO HELL AGAIN, except this time they aren't in hell. This is still crack from a previous series I have now deleted, rearranged, and re-vamped. Special thanks this go around to my beta #2 [mafalopez](http://mafalopez.tumblr.com)
> 
> Once again dedicated to Sarah, who I can't believe is still speaking to me after reading Part One.

Victor tugs on his tie, It’s a little too tight and his neck feels like it’s beginning to chafe. “You should ask your Aunt Mika if she really had to choose a catholic church. They’re always a bit too stuffy for my tastes, and the ceremonies take too long.” 

Yuuri, who is settled comfortably on the pew beside him and looking absolutely mouth watering in his solid black suit-- though Victor thinks it could do without the blue tie--gives him the driest look  imaginable. “Her fiancé is catholic, Victor! And her name is Minako.”

Victor sniffs. “Doesn’t matter. It’s so hot in here I’m suffocating, you’d figure a bride would pick a church where she doesn't  _ sweat. _ ” 

“It’s too hot in here?” Yuuri whisper hisses in a disbelieving tone. “You’re literally from  _ hell _ , and you think it’s too _ hot _ .

Victor drops his tie and smooths his sweaty palms over his suit pants. He’ll have to remember to dry clean it later. “I’m not  _ from _ hell. I just happen to rule it, and have my own suite in the back.” 

Yuuri’s eyes widen and he opens his mouth to, no doubt, say something else in a panicked whisper, but he’s cut off when a women in the pew in front of them turns and shushes them sharply. It’s vehement enough that Yuuri and Victor both have to recoil from her spit-spray, and it causes Yuuri’s mother to lean over her husband and whisper kindly, “Maybe you boys should step out. You’ve still got some time before it starts to take a break.” 

Victor has to refrain from snapping his fingers and summoning a portal above them. It would be the quickest way out of the grand, foreboding church. Instead he follows Hiroko’s advice, and rises as slowly and quietly as possible. He feels Yuuri rise beside him and together they shuffle past the old people lining the rest of the pew, making their way to the outer hall.

As soon as the big double doors click shut behind them Victor releases a breath he wasn’t even aware he held. 

“I am not made for churches.” He looks back at Yuuri. “And before you make a quip about that, no, I was not made for churches before I became Satan either.” 

Yuuri blinks like a deer caught in headlights, looking more than a little on edge. “I-I actually wasn’t going to say anything clever. I was just going to ask you for the time.” 

Ah, yes. The time. Victor frequently forgets about time. It’s not really an important concept when you’re nearly immortal. Today though, time is of the utmost essence. 

“Right, it’s about ten after noon according to the big clock that’s attached to this church--don’t ask me how I know that--and that leaves about forty or so minutes until your Aunt or whomever walks down the aisle. Annnnnnnnd,” He swirls around to face Yuuri, “about twenty minutes until you’re meant to fall prey to some very unfortunate circumstances.”

_ Or fortunate, depending on how you’re looking at it, _ but Victor doesn’t voice that thought.

Yuuri swallows so hard Victor swears it echoes back down from the bell tower. “I thought the plan was to keep me from falling prey to anything? You promised you’d keep me safe, remember?”

Victor has a sordid history with keeping promises, but he doesn’t think now is the time to mention it. 

“Yes, yes. We still have to do everything up to the dying-not-dying bits though. I’d hate to disappoint a prophecy.” He waggles his eyebrows, “What do you say? Up for finding a broom closet?”

Yuuri adjusts his glasses and sighs, heading further down the hall. “I guess. Let's go to not-kill me.”

Victor should pretend he’s not going to enjoy this... _ but... _ he’s spent every waking moment since Yuuri landed in his bedchamber a week ago, anticipating just how much he is _ going to _ enjoy this. He even had Chris go over the prophecies a few extra times just to be sure he can save Yuuri from what’s definitely going to be some last minute harm. 

He just hopes he doesn’t get distracted by the mind blowing-- if what they’ve managed to get up to this past week is any indicator-- sex they’re about to have, and forget to do what he’s meant to. He’ll be very irate if he loses Yuuri after putting in so much effort to keep him. 

Yuuri reaches the other end of the hall first, and yanks open the first old wooden door he comes to. Then he looks back at Victor, swoops his hair off his forehead, and practically growls, “ _ Come _ .  _ On _ .” 

_ Oh, sweet Eros!  _ Victor can feel his own slippery grin, as he catches up and slides a hand seductively across Yuuri’s back; dipping past him and into the closet. 

“Imminent death suits you, Yuuri.” Victor breathes. It's not a lie, the edge of panic in Yuuri’s voice just makes it sound all the more sinful. 

Once he’s inside the tiny, cramped space he takes a few moments to assess what they’re up against. The prophecies didn’t paint a very clear picture of the closet; just providing more of an overview and an outcome. There’s just enough room for Victor to make his way to the very back, shelves surrounding him on all sides, and turn once more to face Yuuri.

Yuuri takes one last wary glance around before he too steps in, shutting the door firmly behind himself. Thankfully, there’s a small bit of light entering from around the door, otherwise they’d be in total darkness. Not that victor minds darkness, but he doesn’t imagine Yuuri coping very well when locked in a tight space on the cusp of his not-death, so the light is a relief. 

“What now?” Yuuri asks quietly. 

“These shelves seem sturdy enough.” Victor pushes his back against the lower ones behind him, testing his weight. “Now, get over here.”

Yuuri half obeys, moving slowly and unbuttoning his suit jacket. “I feel like I should get to hear this plan of yours, or at least some details about how you’re going to foil an entire prophecy.” 

“The key to foiling a prophecy,” Victor says, “is rearranging the minor details.  _ Such as, _ ” He pauses to smirk, “ _ who’s on top _ .”

Before Yuuri has time to process the words, Victor is reaching out, grabbing him by the lapels and yanking him forward. They collide, mouths first, and it’s delicious the way Yuuri’s lips automatically part for Victor’s tongue. It is a bit regrettable that Victor has to split his attention between tracing Yuuri’s teeth and unbuttoning his own jacket, but it’s not long before Yuuri’s shyness subsides and he’s knocking Victor’s hands out of the way to take over.

There are a lot of stereotypes about Devils and their views of submission, but Victor can wholeheartedly attest that most are  _ false _ . A shiver runs up his spine as Yuuri’s hands find their way between them and his lips close over Victor’s adam’s apple. Victor has to resist the call of his buckling knees, they don’t have time for that. He focuses instead on helping Yuuri remove his pants. 

There’s a struggle, as Victor’s tail springs free, to get his pants past his thighs and get himself turned around while Yuuri continues working on his throat. Yuuri’s lips trail up in a beautifully uncoordinated fashion, to latch onto Victor’s earlobe. The small shock of pleasure causes Victor’s tail to snap between them, almost knocking Yuuri off balance. 

“I almost forgot you had this.” Yuuri breathes, grabbing Victor’s tail and sliding his thumb against the velvet skin right at the base of it. Victor isn’t sure Yuuri means for the motion to be sensual, but his cock throbs with it, wishing it was in Yuuri’s hand instead. 

“Forgot?” Victor smirks, “You were very aware of its existence the other night when it was in--

“Shh!” Yuuri cuts him off sharply, letting his thumb slip down to tease Victor further while he keeps a firm grip on his tail, “I said  _ almost _ .”

Victor gasps and leans forward, letting the long waves of his hair fall about his face, and grabbing the shelf in front of him for support. 

“I slipped lube into your front pocket.” Victor half-growls. He’s so turned on it feels like he’s burning--  _ No pun intended _ \-- and he gently reminds himself that Yuuri is still in danger, and they’re losing time. “You should hurry up and use it.” 

His eyes falls shut as Yuuri’s thumb slips away, but it's soon replaced with slick fingers. They haven’t done this yet, let Yuuri take the reigns, but  _ god  _ he must be a natural talent. Yuuri traces circles, teases, and Victor has to wrap his tail around his own arm to keep it under control. 

He’s well aware they’re short on time, but it feels like it’s going by too fast, one, then two, then three fingers, and he barely gets to savor any of it. That doesn’t mean he isn’t writhing and trying not to scream under Yuuri’s deft attentions. 

“ _ Oh! _ ” Victor gasps as Yuuri’s fingertips slide against his sweet spot. He grinds his teeth and whimpers, right on the edge of going over. “Close. So close.” 

He feels Yuuri’s breath catch against the crook of his shoulder and then Yuuri’s fingers are disappearing. He mourns the loss immediately and considers unwrapping his tail to send it after Yuuri’s hand and put it back where it belongs, but before he can even finish the thought Yuuri is against him. It’s a hot thick heat building between them as Yuuri slides in and Victor groans. 

“D-do you need a minute to adjust?” Yurri stutters against the nape of Victor’s neck. His voice is gravel and his breath is coming as quick as Victor’s.

Victor has to bite back a growl; fight the side of himself that wants to make  _ demands, _ “You can move Yuuri.”

And Yuuri complies, oh does he  _ move _ , the first thrust catching just the right way almost sends Victor over the edge. 

“Tell me how it is for you, Yuuri.” He pleads as a form of distraction. 

“So close, Victor.” Yuuri pants, thrusting deeper with every breath in against Victor’s skin.

Victor feels his elbows shake, and he reaches up, trying to grab anything he can for extra support as Yuuri’s tip catches again and lights explode behind Victor’s eyelids in a fluorescent symphony that could rival the glow of the pearly gates. His fingers latch onto a shelf somewhere above them as his orgasm rips its way through him. 

It’s too late when he realizes his mistake. 

His vision clears just as he feels the shelf tilting and Yuuri comes apart behind him. He’d savor the moment if they weren’t teetering on the very edge of a precipice called disaster. He has just enough time--and sense-- left to separate them, pushing backwards with force as stacks of books rain down on them. 

Yuuri lets out a hard “oomph” as they both hit the floor. Victor has to sit up slowly, rubbing his forehead where a book or two bounced off it. If he weren’t a supernatural being, he’s sure he’d be concussed.  _ Exactly _ , he thinks, _ the way Yuuri should have died _ . Prophecy be damned.

He picks up one of the books and has to refrain from rolling his eyes at the words printed on the cover. 

“Crisis averted, Yuuri.” He says thumbing through a couple of pages. “Is it ironic that I’m the one who took a hit from a stack of bibles?” 

Victor turns to brandish the offending book at his partner, only to find Yuuri looking rather dazed, with a giant gash right in the middle of his forehead. 

“Oh no! ” Victor’s usual composure in the face of doom feels a lot like it’s failing him. “No, no no!”

_ Yuuri must have hit one of the side shelves on his way down _ . The only reason Victor doesn’t finish his fall into utter panic is; one, it’s sort of beneath him, and two, Yuuri is still conscious and very much  _ alive _ . He smooths that information over his shock like a warm blanket, but before he can formulate any sort of plan, all hell breaks loose-- _ again, no pun intended. _

The closet door bursts open in a pour of yellow light, and Victor only has a moment to assess that his pants are around his knees, Yuuri’s are still undone, and that it looks like they just did  _ exactly  _ what they just did. Only it looks like they did it on a pile of bibles instead of innocently against the shelves the bibles once rested on. He has to scramble to cover himself before the door finishes its journey to open, and Yuuri’s mother and Aunt are revealed.

“I can explain!” Victor gushes, as their eyes meet and Yuuri’s mother’s go wide. No doubt catching full sight of Victor’s tail. He tries again, a bit more gently, “I promise there’s a solid explanation.”

Yuuri’s mother remains stunned in silence, and Minako is the one who opens her mouth to respond--  _ or possibly yell _ \-- but Yuuri chooses that moment to completely pass out, drawing everyone’s attention firmly as he slumps to the ground between them.

_ Looks like explanations will have to wait. _

**Author's Note:**

> I'm definitely going to hell in a funny colored hand-basket.
> 
> Join me in sin @ [Kingotabek](http://kingotabek.tumblr.com/faq)


End file.
